Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
