Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
