jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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