Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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