Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
