She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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