YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
