I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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