OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you didnt know i had herpes?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
