Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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