I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
