Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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