ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
