I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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