I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
