Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
