she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
