My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
