I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
