There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize