You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
