he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize