Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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