Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
