I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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