Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
