I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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