dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
