before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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