I wannas sexs uuuuu
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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