She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
