Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did I show you my penis last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
