This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
