Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
