I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dick very happy bro
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
