It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
