then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
