Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
