jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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