Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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