I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
