okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
