I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
