I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
