holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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