Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
