I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
