Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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