my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
