someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
