I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
