Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
