You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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