You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
