Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He did a backflip because drugs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
