And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
