checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
