So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
