I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
