this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
