Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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