OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
