You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
