Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
