god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
