Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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