why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
