if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
