I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
