32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
