Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
