I must be too annoying 4 u.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
