if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
