I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
