I cannot find my penis.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
