everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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