He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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