all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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I want a musical about memes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Someone signed my nipple.
There are leaves in my underwear?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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