Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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