Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
